Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2011

        You know, it can be exhausting to go through music from older decades. That’s not to say I can’t enjoy it, but after a while it can wear a guy down. It’s particularly frustrating when going through a year where not a lot of good stuff happened and the bad stuff was the worst. So this time around, I decided that I would take a look at something more recent. Look, I just really want to wash the taste of 1962 out of my mind, so I’m putting as much space between myself and that year as I possibly can, like a decade or five.
        So that brings us to the 2010s. As of writing this review, this decade has been a mixed bag. On the one hand, we’re getting pretty good years like 2012 and 2015 that introduced a ton of good music that left a lasting impression even after it disappeared. On the other hand, we’ve got years like 2010 and 2013 that either felt bogged down by the trends of the time or were just flat out boring overall. Somewhere in the middle of that spectrum is where you’ll find the year we’ll be looking at today: 2011.
        In some ways, 2011 isn’t too different from 1962: it was still riding some of the trends prominent in the previous year; the bad music was still incredibly stupid compared to everything else from the time and there were still teen idols. That said 2011 still had major differences. In place of the Twist, 2011 had club dance music. Instead of the Beatles being the thing to come along the following year and completely changing the soundscape, it had the indie rock movement. Instead of being incredibly boring and homogenous, the music from this year was more varied and polarizing in terms of quality. While the bad stuff from 2011 was arguably worse than that of 1962, the good stuff was also a lot better.
        We’ll be looking at the best of the year next time though. For now, let’s dive into the bad stuff, starting with our dishonorable mentions:

Judas (Lady Gaga) [--; 10; 5 weeks]

        This is quite possibly one of Lady Gaga’s worst songs. The loud, obnoxious, electro sound does not match her singing style in the slightest. Not only that, but if you’re familiar with Lady Gaga’s music, you likely recognize some elements present in this song from some of her other songs. Specifically, you’ll likely notice that this song blatantly lifts the melodies and key changes from both ‘Pokerface’ and ‘Bad Romance’.

5 O’Clock (T-Pain ft. Wiz Khalifa & Lily Allen) [--; 10; 11 weeks]

        I’m not a fan of Lily Allen, but I do like some of her songs, including this one number, ‘Who’d Have Known’. It’s at least one of her less harsh singles, being about how a friendship blossoms into love. So, what does T-Pain do with this song? He uses it to make a generic song about going to the club and spending time with other women. This is not an improvement to the original! In fact, of the three artists on this song, Lily Allen seems to be the only one with any semblance of dignity or grace. T-Pain spends the song making an ass of himself and Wiz Khalifa takes whatever personality and defensibility that T-Pain might’ve presented and tosses them out the window. In this song’s defense, it’s not the worst example of a song sampling another song and completely missing the point that came out this year.

Run the World (Girls) (Beyoncé) [--; 29; 2 weeks]

        This isn’t Beyoncé’s worst song, I’ll at least say that much. Let me just make this clear: I don’t hate this song because of gender politics or anything. I hate this song because it sounds like ass. On a musical level, this is basically 2011’s equivalent to ‘My Humps’, in that it’s a song about a woman bragging about how she can get her way because men bow to her built around horrendous production and narcissism. I just feel like Beyoncé is a difficult artist for me to get into; her music tends to be too harsh and aggressive or too devoid of personality for me to enjoy. I do like some of her songs, and maybe I’ll get to talk about them on a later list. This, however, just feels like a train wreck, and she’s certainly done better; but as I said, she’s also done worse.

The Motto (Drake ft. Lil’ Wayne & Tyga) [--; 18; 5 weeks]

        Drake, you’re capable of better than this! Even if you do want to brag about how famous you are and how awesome your life is, would it kill you to put the slightest bit of passion or emotion in your vocals? Is there a reason you constantly feel the need to make brag songs where you sound completely bored? Just some enthusiasm would be appreciated! The same goes for you, Lil’ Wayne! Your performance here sounds terribly phoned in, and this is how you present yourself on a song by one of your protégées? Oh, and Tyga’s…there too, I guess. Moving on!

Better With the Lights Off (New Boyz ft. Chris Brown) [--; 38; 3 weeks]

        Well, of course the girl looks better with the lights off, Chris! That makes it a lot easier to ignore the damage you’ve done to her, doesn’t it? The obvious joke aside, is the girl supposed to find this flattering? What kind of girl would feel complimented by being told she looks better with the lights off? I’m glad that this song wasn’t that big of a hit, because what would that say about us as a culture if this had been?

T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever) (will.i.am ft. Mick Jagger & Jennifer Lopez) [--; 36; 1 week]

        Ugh…If this had been an actual hit, it definitely would’ve made the list. will.i.am might’ve been a potentially decent artist in the early years of the Black Eyed Peas’ tenure, but as a solo artist he has no redeeming qualities. This song’s a perfect showcase of his lack of appeal by himself, what with the horrendous production and the phoned in performances of everyone involved. Mick Jagger sounds like the only artist who gave enough of a crap to put forth any effort. Then again, considering this is generally how he sounds when he’s singing, he might be just as unenthused as everyone else. These three want me to go hard? I’d sooner go home.

        Now that that’s taken care of, all I want is to mess around. So let’s not waste anymore time, and count down…

…THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2011!

        #10.

        I never truly hated Justin Bieber the same way everyone else did. Don’t get the wrong idea; I’m far from being a fan of the kid. I just never got what it was about the guy that warranted all the explosive bile and outrage that everyone else seemed to have for him. Maybe it was because I didn’t receive the same level of overexposure to him that everyone else did. Maybe it was because I hadn’t actually heard any of his singles. Or maybe it was because this was back before I actually listened to pop music and didn’t care that deeply about artists or personalities.
        So I figured, “Maybe once I sit down and listen to one of his songs I’ll get the hatred everyone else has for the little bastard.” So I did…five years after the fact, with ‘What Do You Mean’, and I thought that song wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t a great song, but it was okay. So then I thought, “Maybe I’ll understand it a bit better if I listened to one of his earlier songs. Maybe I’ll get it then.” Boy, was that a mistake…

#10. Never Say Never (Justin Bieber ft. Jaden Smith) [--; 8; 4 weeks]

        The end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 was kind of an awkward time for Bieber; this was around the time when his voice was starting to change. The public wouldn’t be seeing the results of this until later in the year, but the changes did still affect his sound on several of his songs. He still sounded like a child at this point, but he now had more confidence in his voice. In addition, this was before he would go to such extremes for attention as driving drunk and egging people’s houses. So you’d think that, if there were a point when he’d be most tolerable in the early stage of his career, this would be it. Despite this, however, I can’t get into this song, probably the last song he’d release before his voice dropped completely. Why is that?
        Let’s start by looking at the lyrics. It’s a song about how the narrator is so awesome and nothing can keep him down. When he falls, he gets back up again. Nothing is impossible, and he will “never say “never””. Therein lies the first problem of the song: it’s incredibly generic and doesn’t do anything to stand out from any other self-empowerment anthem. Just this year, we’d be getting about three different ones that were stronger than this one. By having this song performed by Bieber specifically though, it causes him to come across as cocky and headstrong. At this point, he was still viewed as a little kid; he did not have the swagger to pull off a song like this.
        Of course, while I don’t buy Bieber as being a pinnacle of limitless potential, I buy it from Jaden Smith a lot less. Yes, believe it or not, Jaden Smith raps on this song, and it’s clear that, while he inherited his dad’s wealth and fortune, he did not inherit his skills as a rapper. When the only brag you have up against someone bigger and stronger than you is that you got to be on a Justin Bieber song, you need to check your priorities. Furthermore, while Bieber might have developed some confidence in his voice by this point, Jaden Smith most definitely had not; this kid sounds terrified.
        Since hitting puberty, Bieber has gotten better as a performer, but developed into an unlikeable little brat as a person. So it’s up to the reader whether or not you’d consider him having “improved” over the last five years. As for Jaden Smith…well, he’s certainly aware of the doors he can open from having two stars as his parents, that’s for sure. Not even sure I need to mention his Twitter page, but it definitely looks like his background has gone to his head in that department also. So what’s the lesson we should be taking from this? Stop having child performers try to act like big shots before their balls have dropped!

        #9.

        Country music was kind of at a bizarre point in 2011. There was a lot more variety in the genre for starters. While there were still bro country artists even back then, there were also other acts as well, like the more middle-of-the-road country artists like Lady Antebellum and younger, more teenage-y artists who were obviously trying to be Taylor Swift. Since writing these lists, I have started getting a bit more familiar with the genre, but I’d hardly say I’ve developed an attachment with it as of yet. I do recognize that there are good country songs and artists out there. I feel like I need to dig a bit deeper before I encounter them though. Obviously, considering what list I’m working on right now, that’s not what we’re going to be looking at next. With that in mind, let me introduce you all to a fine young man by the name of Luke Bryan.

#9. Country Girl (Shake It For Me) (Luke Bryan) [81; 22; 14 weeks]

        Most of you probably already recognize Luke Bryan from his big hit song back in 2013: ‘That’s My Kind of Night’. Sadly, I’d say that song is a pretty accurate depiction of the kind of music he makes. I don’t know if I’d call this one of his worse songs, but it’s still far from good. I realize I’m not breaking any new ground by saying that bro country is obnoxious and that every song sounds identical, but I don’t know how else to describe this song on a surface level. So rather than try to scratch the surface of this rancid pile of horse manure, I’m diving in headfirst.
        Let’s start by talking about the lyrics. It pretty much has all the bro country clichés you can imagine: girls, trucks, mud, catfish, barns, honky-tonks, the moon, shakin’ dat ass…I guess it’s not the worst set of lyrics from this genre I’ve seen, but it doesn’t do anything to make itself stand out. Luke Bryan is an incredibly limited songwriter; he doesn’t seem to acknowledge anything else in his world outside of trucks, partying and country girls.
        As for the music, again, this song does nothing to make itself unique. The music to this is just bland and unmemorable. Just about the only things that I noticed from it were the banjo and fiddle, which are barely audible over the mish-mash of messily produced other musical elements. Oh, also there’s the loud, buzzing sound that plays right at the beginning of the song that I guess is supposed to be what introduces the rest of the instrumental elements and serves as the driving force of the song. Instead, it just sounds like the guy tried to drive his truck into the recording studio, which I can’t imagine would’ve ended well.
        This made the list, not because it does anything particularly bad, but because it’s completely clichéd as hell without doing anything to justify it. Luke Bryan might be getting something out of this, but all I’m getting is a migraine. In all fairness, his follow-up single, ‘I Don’t Want This Night to End’ was a marginal improvement. It wasn’t good enough to make up for this song, but I thought it was pretty okay I guess. Bit of a shame he only got worse from there. This country girl you’re ogling might be shaking it for you, Luke Bryan, but all I’m shaking is my head, out of shame from learning this exists.

        #8.

        Eminem’s contributions to this year were…let’s just say that, on the whole, they were less than stellar. It’s a shame I have to put it that way because his songs from the previous year were not that bad. ‘Recovery’ wasn’t exactly the album he needed to release to reinvigorate his career after the disastrous previous two albums. However, it was still a welcome return to some level of form. It wasn’t as good as his previous material, but it at least reestablished him as an artist to be taken seriously. His work in 2011, on the other hand, kind of undid that.

#8. I Need a Doctor (Dr. Dre ft. Eminem and Skylar Grey) [51; 4; 16 weeks]

        As it happens, Eminem isn’t the only older artist we’re going to be taking a look at for this particular entry. No, we’re also going to be looking at rapper, producer and former N.W.A. member, Dr. Dre. This particular song was set to be released off of ‘Detox’, an album that was hyped up as Dre’s final album, and which he was working on for almost a decade…before ultimately shelving it. He claimed that it was because, while about twenty to forty tracks had been recorded for it, the album didn’t meet his standards. Since we have just this and one other song to go off of, I’ll have to assume that most of the other songs off of ‘Detox’ would’ve been similar to them. So I can understand why he would say that.
        For starters, the production on this song is a wash. Interestingly, Dr. Dre didn’t actually produce this song himself, instead handing production duties to British music producer Alex da Kid. This guy was pretty big between 2010 and 2013, doing production work for Rihanna, B.o.B., Nicki Minaj, Skylar Grey and Imagine Dragons. His work is a bit of a mixed bag, to say the least. Most of his songs seem to go for this grand, atmospheric sound, and while that can work on some songs, here it sounds too watered down and weak.
        This kind of sound is not the right fit for rappers who normally have a lot of bite and energy like Dr. Dre and Eminem. Honestly I feel like this song would’ve worked a lot better if Dre had produced the track himself. Skylar Grey sounds fine as the song currently is, but the two rappers don’t. I guess that, if he had produced it himself, Skylar Grey wouldn’t sound as good, but that’s why they should’ve hired someone else to sing the chorus!
        Enough about the production; let’s move on to the lyrics and subject matter. Eminem’s verses are his increasingly desperate attempts to get Dr. Dre off his ass and back into the game. Meanwhile, Dre’s single verse is pretty much him talking about how he’s totally going to kill it when he releases his final album, and then he’s going to call it quits after that. Basically, the song’s about Dr. Dre’s attempts at completing ‘Detox’.
        All I can say regarding Dre’s presentation is that it comes across as all bark and no bite. He talks about how great it’s going to be once he finally gets back to work, but with how tired and worn he sounds, it seems more like it’s coming from an old man who’s already past his prime and is only getting older from there. As for Eminem’s verses, his performance isn’t quite as bad as Dre’s, but the attitude he presents here doesn’t suit him at all. Most of his better songs still demonstrate ferocity, but on those songs he comes across as relaxed, almost like being a complete monster of a character is as natural to him as breathing. He is trying way too hard to sound aggressive here, and it just feels forced.
        I think the main failure of this song is that it promised something that never came to fruition. This song offered a taste of the album Dr. Dre had been working on for almost a decade, something he’d put all that time and effort into making just right, and in the end it was all for naught. That’s why this song made the list and ‘Lighters’ didn’t: because, while not a good song itself, ‘Lighters’ actually had something to deliver, while ‘I Need a Doctor’ promised so much and yet gave so little. Dre, you had a good run; you released some good music in your time, but your time’s passed. Just step down and let your career end with some level of dignity.

        #7.

        I included a Black Eyed Peas song on this list, and it’s not ‘The Time (Dirty Bit)’. If it makes people feel better, it’s not because I like the song; it’s because the song didn’t qualify. It technically peaked higher at the end of 2010, so I decided to leave it off the list. Doesn’t mean I won’t still be tearing into one of the disastrous songs off of that same album though.

#7. Just Can’t Get Enough (The Black Eyed Peas) [10; 3; 26 weeks]

        I’ll at least say this much: between this single and the previous single, this one is the better of the two. At least will.i.am didn’t recycle this song over and over again like he did with ‘Dirty Bit’. In fact, this is probably one of the better singles to come from ‘The Beginning’, the band’s sixth studio album. That said, this is still not a good song, and I still have serious problems with it.
        For starters, let’s talk about the chorus. The song’s hook is built around a tired, overused metaphor that we’ve already heard way too much: the “love is drugs” metaphor. It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like: describing love as being something addictive, that the person describing it can’t get enough of. Now, I know I’ve passed over this metaphor on previous songs, but those songs were also subtle about how they made the comparison, something this song doesn’t seem to know how to do.
        The band has apparently said that this song was meant for them to showcase the physical and emotional range of Fergie’s voice. Yeah, because by this point, after almost a decade of her being in the group, God knows we hadn’t heard nearly enough of Fergie yet! Despite that, I guess this does demonstrate some range in Fergie’s voice…in that the vocal performance doesn’t sound remotely like Fergie. Seriously, this sounds like someone’s grandmother performed it.
        Lyrically, the song’s no different from any other post-‘Elephunk’ Black Eyed Peas song. It’s just a bunch of clumsily presented lyrics that don’t make sense when you actually sit down and listen to them. This is basically just ‘Don’t Phunk With My Heart’ or ‘Don’t Lie’, but with Fergie sounding like she has a bad cold. There are a few decent lyrical choices, like the first two lines of will.i.am’s verse, and the first line of Taboo’s verse, but outside of a small handful of lines, the song just doesn’t use its words well.
        As for the production, it starts out alright. Nothing special, but coming from a Black Eyed Peas song, especially off of this album, it’s fine. Now, if the song had remained on this level, I would be perfectly fine dismissing the whole thing as merely passably boring. Of course, will.i.am couldn’t be bothered to leave well enough alone and decided to jack the whole thing up like it’s on steroids for the last verse. It reaches the point that apl.de.ap’s performance is barely audible over the droning sound of the background music and will.i.am’s constant shouting of “Switch up!” in the background. This honestly wouldn’t have made the list at all if not for that last quarter of the song.
        I don’t know what the Black Eyed Peas were thinking releasing this song, especially as a single. In summary, its chorus is uninspired, its lyrics are half-assed and its production is mediocre at best and obnoxious and repetitious at worst. Keep in mind; this song represents this album at its best. This was as good as the ‘The Beginning’ got. If this was the best the group had to give to the general public from this mess of an album, maybe they would’ve been better off not releasing it at all.

        #6.

        There was a time when I gave a shit about Britney Spears. I liked the singles off of her first two albums, and she did have that star quality to her back in the day that made her stand out. However, I stopped caring around her fourth album, specifically ‘Toxic’. For me, it was the first sign that her music was going downhill. So by the time 2011 came along, I was well past the point of caring about Britney Spears. Apparently that wasn’t the case with some people, because she had three hit singles this year, all of them are terrible and this one might be the worst.

#6. I Wanna Go (Britney Spears) [46; 7; 17 weeks]

  I realize that Britney Spears’s music is merely an excuse for why she’s famous at this point. Even so, that’s not a feasible excuse for disasters like the songs she released in 2011. ‘Hold It Against Me’ and ‘Till the World Ends’ are both terribly annoying and not memorable, but they can both at least be labeled as complete songs. I honestly don’t even know where to begin with ‘I Wanna Go’ though. It’s not a perfect representation of the problems in Britney Spears’s music, but it comes pretty damn close.
        I guess I could start with the lyrics and subject matter. This song is just about how Britney feels all pent up and needs to let loose and get her freak on. Just for those unaware, a few years prior to this she was placed under permanent conservatorship under her father and attorney. Still though, Britney Spears, who released ‘Piece of Me’ four years prior, needs some form of primal release? No, I don’t buy it. Even if it were true, I don’t feel like letting her go crazy would end well, considering some of the things she’s done while letting loose in the past.
        As is usual with Britney’s music nowadays, this song is also overproduced as hell. There are numerous musical elements cluttered together on this song, especially during the chorus. You’ve got the synthesized strings, the drum machine, the dubstep, the pointless whistled sections, the vocal effects used on Britney’s voice…It’s just a clusterfuck of a song. Of course, there are also the countless stuttered segments, both in the music and in Britney’s vocals. They create the impression that the track’s been scratched or that it’s skipping. Guys, we don’t need Britney Spears anymore. Stop giving her hits and move on.

        #5.

        Just a warning: the upper half of this list is going to get incredibly predictable. Keep that in mind as we continue.

#5. Jar of Hearts (Christina Perri) [55; 17; 17 weeks]

        Now that I’ve gotten to this particular song, I’ll also need to bring up yet another genre of music to add to the catalogue: the white-chick-with-piano song. This is the true distaff counterpart to the white-guy-with-acoustic-guitar song, in that the worst of the genre tend to possess the same level of lazy pretentiousness trying to disguise itself as depth. Whereas white-guy-with-acoustic-guitar songs tend to be sung by the endless number of frat bro douche bags the world over, white-chick-with-piano song tends to be populated by amateur piano balladeers who think they’re Bella from ‘Twilight’. And I don’t think there is another artist out there that fits that description more than Christina Perri.
        First things first: I can’t stand her voice. Christina Perri just manages to perform these supposedly emotional songs without the faintest hint of care or passion in her vocals. She sounds like a robot that was programmed to sing! Maybe she could’ve made up for this if she demonstrated any semblance of personality or charisma. Unfortunately, she seems to be severely lacking in that department as well. She’s basically just a mannequin that somehow learned to play the piano and has a tape player that makes it seem like she’s singing. Regarding the music, she’s stated that she imagined people dancing to it, to which I must ask why would you make a dance song out of a break up song?
        Of course, I could look past all of these things if the lyrics and subject matter were strong enough to make up for them. Yet, once again, we find that even in this regard she doesn’t seem all that gifted. I’ll sum up this entire song for you: “You hurt me and are a horrible person, but I’m over you now.” I don’t know when pop music decided that the best way to write break up songs was to try and paint the other person as a cartoon villain, but it’s something I’ve grown incredibly sick of.
        Also, it doesn’t help that Christina Perri’s lack of any emotional heft makes her incredibly unconvincing. I’m not a fan of Alanis Morissette’s ‘You Oughta Know’ or any of Beyoncé’s “destroying this horrible man I was dating for some reason” songs, but I at least felt like they knew how to dump an asshole. Meanwhile, Christina Perri chooses some of the most childish, uninspired lyrics in some vain attempt to make herself sound deep, like “You’re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul”, “I learned to live half alive/And now you want me one more time” and probably the line that really seals the deal for me, “I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed”.
        Yes, I will admit that break ups suck and that it can sometimes make one feel like they made a terrible mistake dating the person in the first place. That said, if you’re going to write a break up song, you should either really consider the parties at fault for the break up or know how to properly destroy the jerk that did you wrong.

        #4.

        I’ve touched briefly on the Latino craze of the late ‘90s, but I don’t think I’ve actually gotten to touch on that many of the artists that it spawned. I mean, I’ve touched on Ricky Martin, but he didn’t have any hits in 2011. Quite a few others had hits this year though, including Enrique Iglesias. I remember liking his first hit song, ‘Bailamos’. Unfortunately, I realize that the warning signs should’ve been visible back then. While ‘Bailamos’ wasn’t a bad song, it did still have some undertones that, in hindsight, kind of make it fit in with Enrique’s more recent work. Most of you will likely disagree, and I won’t blame you for it. In the end, it’s still a harmless enough dance song that people can enjoy. Or at least people could enjoy it until they realized Enrique would go on to release this:

#4. Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You) (Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris and DJ Frank E) [16; 4; 22 weeks]

        If there’s something I’ve come to learn about famous people, it’s that they can be complete assholes. With some of them, they don’t really allow that to affect their music; they can still come across as at least relatable people. For others, it’s a lot easier to pick up on it. In that case, you can have people that either own their inner asshole and just run with it, or you can have people that try to cover it up anyway and fail at it. That last one is what we have with this song. Enrique is still trying to present himself as a sensitive lover figure, but doesn’t seem to realize how unpleasant of a person he comes across as.
       The general persona I got from Enrique was that he was basically the Spanish equivalent to a dude bro; pretending to act romantic when all he really cares about is getting in the girl’s pants. This wasn’t really prevalent in his music up until around 2010 with his first major hit since the early 2000s, ‘I Like It’, where he encourages his latest conquest to cheat on her boyfriend with him, revealing that he’s also cheating on his girlfriend. That said the main problems with that song could be traced more to the presence of guest rapper Pitbull, who is probably one of the less talented rappers from the time. The same can’t be said of ‘Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You)’, where Enrique himself is the song’s biggest problem.
        I don’t think I even need to spell it out to everyone, but here goes: the song is about how Enrique is going to…well, have his way with you. Even if I were to believe Enrique was the type to just tell his conquest that sex will happen and it happens, this still gives off uncomfortable vibes. The song that it brings to mind more than anything is the song ‘Blurred Lines’ by Robin Thicke. In other words, this song sounds incredibly rapey. Enrique does try to offer compliments to the girl he’s singing to, but they sound incredibly contrived.

You’re so damn pretty

If I had a type then baby it would be you

I know you’re ready

If I never lied then baby you’d be the truth

        In other words, she isn’t your type. Also, if you never lied, then she’d be the truth? So I guess that means that, if he never lied, she’d be all he would talk about? But that implies that he does lie, so he doesn’t talk about her? Those hardly seem like flattering compliments, dude.
        I guess I should mention the other two artists on this song: Ludacris and DJ Frank E. I’ve covered Ludacris on a previous list, and I honestly do like the guy. Unfortunately, he clearly was not trying on his guest verse here. Then there’s DJ Frank E, the producer on the song. He’s done production work for other artists, most notably Pitbull, Chris Brown, Cody Simpson and Flo Rida. His production here’s pretty generic; just a basic club beat for the verses and lackluster glissandos when it gets to the chorus. The music doesn’t try to create atmosphere; it’s just there to remind the listener that it’s a club song.
        I feel like Enrique’s decision to jump aboard the club dance music craze was the wrong move. He clearly only did it to regain success in the pop world that left him behind. Instead, all it did was expose and amplify all of his biggest flaws. Yet he thought he’d be able to jump back into the whole Latin lover schtick afterwards and maintain his presence on the pop charts. Considering he’s only managed two other chart successes since this song’s release, that should be enough proof of how much that idea flopped. I can say this much; no Enrique, tonight you’re most certainly not fucking me.

        #3.

        I don’t think I’ll be surprising anyone by putting this artist on the list. Considering how successful he was in 2011, it was inevitable that one of his songs would place here. All that left to answer was which turd he shat out was the smelliest, the vilest and the most repugnant of them all? More importantly, which one pissed me off the most?

#3. Look at Me Now (Chris Brown ft. Lil’ Wayne and Busta Rhymes) [21; 6; 25 weeks]

        I wouldn’t say this song inspires quite the same level of rage as Extreme’s ‘More Than Words’, but it comes pretty close. I’ve never been a fan of Chris Brown, and I actually don’t like a single one of his songs, not even ‘Forever’. So, as far as I’m concerned, he serves no purpose in the pop music world. Yet, even today, Sir Domestic Abuse here is still managing to score hits.
        Anyway, 2011 was actually a fairly successful period for Chris Brown, who scored four hit songs on his own and four more if you count the tracks that featured him. So I had quite a few to choose from to include on this list. ‘Look At Me Now’ just happened to be the one that got the biggest emotional reaction out of me: pure, unfiltered rage. On some level, I understand that this is what the song is aiming for: to piss off Chris Brown’s haters with his fame and success by rubbing it in their faces. So, in that regard, the song is a success. That said, it seems like the song is trying to make me jealous of Chris Brown, who is trying his best to demonstrate how much better he is than me. The thing is I’m not jealous of him for how successful he is compared to me; I just want to see him tied to a post, doused in gasoline and burned alive so that he’ll shut the fuck up. Also Chris, if you really wanted to rub how much better you are in my face, you probably should’ve actually learned how to rap.
        Speaking of rapping, let’s talk about the two guest rappers on the track. The first one to appear is Busta Rhymes, who is a decent enough rapper. And if I may be positive for a second, his verse is probably the best part of the song. Still, just like with Ludacris on the last entry, it’s clear listening to this that the guy wasn’t trying. I mean, he fills out spaces in his verse with nonsense syllables like “dadadada”, “badaboom a badabing” and even halfway though he just fills out a line with the phrase, “again, and again, and then again”. Still, it’s a solid verse and takes up about a third of the song, so it’s not like I’m complaining about it that much.
        That leaves us with Lil’ Wayne’s verse, which again isn’t too bad. At the very least he seems to be trying to make his verse sound good, despite him saying he isn’t. Still, I can’t help but feel like his verse could’ve been a bit better than it is. Also, he drops a few brand names, which I always tend to take issue with in a song. Still, some rhymes connect and it doesn’t piss me off nearly as much as the main performer on the song does.
        Pretty much all of Chris Brown’s material after the incident between him and Rihanna suffers the same problem: all of it seems uncomfortably aware of the incident and doesn’t try to draw attention away from it. You’ve got songs that try to be love songs that insist that Chris Brown not be judged based on the past, you’ve got sex songs demonstrating some uncomfortable themes in the lyrics and you’ve got brag tracks rubbing Chris’s success in the faces of his haters. Okay, he did release an entire album of apology songs, but they were all completely phony and that album tanked.
        I’m not sure what Chris Brown should’ve done after the incident, though I guess that’s something he should’ve thought about before he did it, or better yet, he should’ve decided not to do it at all! However, he did, and this was what he decided to do, so now here he stands before us all as the complete shit stain of a person that he is! Fuck you, Chris Brown! Fuck you with something sharp, jagged, rusty and infected!

        #2.

        And now, my dear readers, I present to you the most obvious song I could have possibly included on this list.

#2. Sexy and I Know It (LMFAO) [57; 2; 14 weeks]

        I don’t want to give the impression that I’m bending to popular opinion by including this song. If my opinion differs from that of the general public, I’ll be sure to let people know. Such wasn’t the case with this song though; it made this list because it’s that bad. Much like with Ray Stevens, I would classify LMFAO’s output as stupid humor; it requires the brain to be switched off to enjoy. They might be descendants of the late Berry Gordy Jr., but they demonstrate nothing to indicate that this contributed to their musical talents, which they are noticeably lacking in.
        As for ‘Sexy and I Know It’ specifically, I don’t think there’s anything I could say about this song that hasn’t been said already. It’s just LMFAO writing a song inspired by Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy’, and it sounds like what one might imagine an LMFAO version of ‘I’m Too Sexy’ would sound like. It’s mindless, it’s repetitious, it’s uninspired and it’s borderline offensive. The entire message of the song is to make fun of the idea of men taking pride in their bodies. I wouldn’t call myself a man boasting incredible physical attractiveness, but I feel like it’s kind of thoughtless to make fun of people taking pride in their bodies, even when they don’t fit the conventional standards of beauty.
        Of course, while arguably not the biggest problem with the song, the production’s incredibly bad too. It’s just the same set of four bars repeated endlessly all throughout the song. Let’s just take a moment and compare it to their previous, much better hit single ‘Party Rock Anthem’. While not a great song, it at least had shifts and changes in the music and beat. In fact, the instrumentation was probably the saving grace of that song; it created an atmosphere that invited the listener to dance and, with the club dance craze now dead and gone, sounds much better after a few years of being away from it. ‘Sexy and I Know It’ not only started out bad, but it hasn’t aged well either.
        LMFAO lucked out in that they briefly became relevant to the trends of the time. Outside of their family connections, that’s the only excuse I can think of regarding how they got a hit at all, let alone two of them. Fortunately, the club music boom died off by the following year, as did any chance of the duo gaining any further chart success, and good riddance I say. I’ve had enough party rocking to last me a lifetime at this point.

        #1.

        I’ve touched briefly on the subject of sampling on numerous occasions now. I think I’ve made it clear I don’t have anything inherently against it. Samples can be used well, or even artistically. For example, the Eminem song ‘Stan’ does a great job recontextualizing the Dido song ‘Thank You’ so that, rather than a love struck girl, it’s about an unhealthily obsessed fan. Also, some songs can even improve on the sample being used in some ways, such as with Marky Mark’s ‘Good Vibrations’, which took a disco song and converted it into a new jack swing song.
        All that said, I still notice when a sample is used poorly. Some songs fail to shift the context of a song when they sample it like with T-Pain’s ‘5 O’Clock’. Others can even make the sample sound worse like with Pitbull’s ‘Feel This Moment’. This particular song might not be very well remembered, and people will likely not agree with this decision since this isn’t this next artist’s worst song. That said I wouldn’t have included this song on the list if I didn’t think it belonged here.

#1. Don’t Wanna Go Home (Jason Derulo) [87; 14; 11 weeks]

        I can’t think of any defense for this song, none at all. There’s sampling being used to take an idea from another song and use it in a different, creative way and then there’s taking something that was decent enough as it was and doing everything in your power to desecrate it. Jason Derulo has been guilty of this offense more than once. ‘Whatcha Say’ was not the only example of Derulo shamelessly sampling songs and missing the point of the original.
        For starters, the man’s lyrics are as forgettable as they come. These are some of the most cliché, cookie-cutter club dance song lyrics he could have possibly come up with. I realize the man was late to the club dance music boom at the time, but that is not an excuse to exercise this little effort in putting the words to the song together. Take the third line of the chorus: “Yes-oh, we losin’ control”. “Yes-oh”? What are you even saying? You really need to consider using your words better-oh, Derulo…-oh. Okay, I know the line’s supposed to be “Yeah so, we losin’ control”, but the man’s voice just seems to slur his words together in ways that shouldn’t be possible. And the noticeably phony accent he’s going for doesn’t help matters.
        In addition, there’s the choice of sample he used. To begin with, it’s a terrible song to sample for a club song. ‘Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)’ is a traditional Jamaican folk song told from the perspective of banana-loading dock workers who are looking forward to the end of their shift so they can go home. This does not lend itself to the idea of clubbing until the break of dawn. Also, if you’re going to sample a song, shouldn’t you at least include part of the original song? I don’t hear any portion of that song in what Derulo’s created. At least when Lil’ Wayne sampled it for ‘6 Foot 7 Foot’ you could actually tell that they were using a portion of the song. Derulo didn’t even use the melody for his song; he just stole some of the lyrics.
        I can’t think of any good things to say about this song. It’s lazy, it’s obnoxious and it shamelessly steals from other songs. It’s not Derulo’s worst song, but it’s pretty high up there. To this song’s credit, it’s at least forgettable enough that it didn’t leave much of an impact on the popular consciousness; otherwise it could stand to be a whole lot worse. As is though, it is still the worst hit song of 2011.